Friday, 21 January 2011

52Q ~ Q2


So, Netty's second question is:

Am I Scared Of Change?

I've had to discard the journal book I bought before as it comes away from the spine too easy.
Instead I've bought a vinyl covered pink spiral notebook from Tesco that also has an elastic closure.
I'm still toying with the idea of doing some kind of art journal or scrapbook type thing. If or when I
do that, I'll be sure to show you all what I've done. For now, I'm quite liking the writing that I'm doing.

I've transferred Q1 and Q2 into it. I'm not doing Q3 which is Do I Believe In Fairies?

So, here's my journalling for Am I Scared of Change?:

The short answer is "no, not any more". But there is a longer answer and that is:

Up until May last year, I was scared of change. Scared so much that I stayed in the house with my ex for far too long. I was scared of being alone, living alone, being the only one to pay the bills. Not having someone else to fall back on, someone to share a meal with, watch TV with, go shopping with, talk to, argue with! Life might not have been easy, but it was the life I knew and was rather safe.

So, what changed all that? David and I could no longer live together or be together. I had to leave and so change had to happen.

I'm in a flat on my own, supporting myself. I try to cook more now so that I eat better, I'm getting used to eating alone, watching TV alone, having my shopping delivered rather than going to the supermarket. I'm getting used to talking to myself and yes, occasionally arguing with myself too!

Life might not be easy, but sometimes change has to happen to be able to move forward.

As well as moving, one change I've always been scared of is losing weight. I've always worried that I'll end up with saggy bits that need surgery to sort out. I've worried I'll be more confident, want to wear the clothes I ogle over and be so different to how I am now. Will people still like me? Will I still like me? I really don't know, but this is one change I'm scared of yet going along with all the same. And so far I've lost 3st since I was at my heaviest! 

6 comments:

C. Camp said...

Such a lovely post. I am glad you are getting used to living on your own. That is one thing I am grateful to my ex for, forcing me to stand on my own two feet. Luckily I was still young (23) at the time so still a little naive. But, at least I know now, that I can survive by myself. :)

Melissa said...

I really like that you're journaling about all the tough stuff with such openness. Wow, 3 stone, I think that's like 42 pounds, WTG!!!!!! I'm patting myself on the back for losing 12 pounds, that's not even 1 stone.

Tina said...

Lovely lovely journalling Sarah, you have a lot to be proud of!

Don't think I would worry about Q3 either ;)

Sian said...

It's great to read about you Sarah and well done on your weight loss. I'm starting today (well tomorrow).

I've a little something on my blog, I hope you'll except it?!

Have a lovely weekend
big hugs

Lyn said...

Very well done on all of your achievements, Sarah - you have much to be proud of. You have clearly embraced massive changes - go you!

alison290 said...

So glad to hear that you are starting to move on Sarah..and WELL DONE! on the weight loss!

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